


Journal of a Mad Man

by Jaqen (NevaehHM)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Blood and Torture, Body Horror, Crime, Crimes & Criminals, Delusions, Graphic Description, Graphic Violence, Horror, Illnesses, Implied Murder, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Madman - Freeform, Major Illness, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Murder, Mutilation, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Other, Psychological, Psychological Horror, Thriller, Torture, mad - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 03:09:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21331297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevaehHM/pseuds/Jaqen
Summary: The journal of Harry Mitchell’s descent into madness.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	1. Day 1- Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction for mature audiences only. There are going to be mature situations and descriptive scenery (i.e., murder, kidnapping, forced drug use) so proceed with caution.  
Day 1-7 (day and night) was my original assignment for Forensics, where I chose the option to do a diary entry depicting a crime. It had to be 2 entries per day and cover the span of a week and include motive, planning, execution, and consequences.

The moment I saw her, I knew that she belonged to me. Her very presence called out to me, and I knew that no matter what, I had to have her by my side. She was new into town, so it will be effortless to insert myself into her life **_they_** tell me. I spent so long getting our home ready for the day she finally showed up again, and now that she’s here,**_ they_** have to keep reminding me to be patient, or I’ll blow my chance.

Soon though. **_They _**remind me. Yes, soon, she will be mine very soon, all I have to do is wait, and she will come to me.


	2. Day 1- Night

Now that I know that she’s here, I can’t sleep. I cleaned the entire house 8 times, yet something still feels off.

** _Maybe it’s because she’s not here with you?_ **

Yes. That’s exactly it! I will go see her now...

.

.

.

Usually, I wouldn’t pick up my journals later, but I just couldn’t contain myself. She’s even more beautiful up close in person. I let myself in to look around the place, and I know that she would be much more comfortable in our home where she belongs. Her skin was just so soft to my touch, and the feeling I got in my chest when she subconsciously moved closer, confirmed that she wanted me. I caressed her long blonde locks, and I may have even taken a few strands just to hold me over until she could be in my arms for real. Even now, as I sit at my desk, I can still smell her scent.

Soon. Yes... Soon.


	3. Day 2- Day

How unfortunate. Not for me... but for the dirty mutt that thought it was okay to flirt with what’s mine. She calls him her boyfriend and I knew that she doesn’t mean it... I mean, she can’t possibly mean that **RIGHT**!... She’s only saying that to make him feel good about himself... Right? After overhearing a conversation, though, I know just how wrong I am. Apparently, this mutt was her boyfriend, and she moved out here to be with him. This... Dirty mutt got to touch her precious skin, taint it. I just won’t allow it... but I can’t really do anything about that now. I will, though. I will make sure of it because she’s too good to be with someone like him, **_they_** agree with me.


	4. Day 2- Night

He came to her house tonight. It made my blood boil, but**_ they _**told me that it wasn’t time to act yet. I still had to memorize his patterns and get him alone. I had to make sure that he would be gone, and no one would miss him. I know that it won’t hurt my love because she doesn’t really love him. She may get a little down, but that’s what I’m here for. I’m always here for her, even when she doesn’t realize that she needs me yet. Things seemed to be working in my favor as the argument started inside, and the mutt stormed out in an angry rage.

** _Tomorrow you survey and strike._ **

** _No more waiting._ **

Of course.


	5. Day 3- Day

I would much rather be watching my love all day, but if ridding us of this pesk will mean she will be focused solely on me, then I see no other option but to watch and wait for my opening. I can picture it now. After he’s out of the way, I’ll insert myself into the picture, and she will fall into my arms and say that she’s been waiting for me as long as I’ve been waiting for her, we’d kiss then, and she’ll suggest that she move in immediately, and when I tell her of what I did, she hugs me and thanks me for ridding her of that scum. As I watched him, he seemed not to have plans for the night, and because of his fight, he was going to be staying in.

Perfect.


	6. Day 3- Night

It was fun to listen to him beg for his life, though we couldn’t have him screaming too loud because we didn’t want to alert the neighbors over a football field away from my house.

HAHAHA!!

The first thing to go was his teeth. One by one, incisors, canines, premolars, molars. One by one, into the glass jar I had waiting nearby. Some people just don’t learn how to shut up, so I solved it by cutting off his fingers and shoving them down his throat after I had him do a few things for me, of course. I have to say, though, they made a very useful gag. The conversation we had afterward was pretty interesting; he had a very smart mouth, even with a fist shoved in it.

His screams eventually silenced, and when I checked for a pulse, I found him still alive but very much asleep. Taking my needle and thread, I proceeded to sew his mouth together. When he awoke, the look on his face was priceless. I don’t think he felt anything else after that, but I made sure to put him through as much pain as I had felt seeing them together, and for the pain in my chest from being away from my love for too long.

** _End this, go back to her._ **

I was having fun giving him what he deserved, but **_they_** were persistent, so I ended it with a swift slice to his already shredded neck, this time making sure that the blade hit deep enough to end it. Watching him choke on his fingers and blood was entertaining, but now I had to get to clean up.

I picked up his phone texting the most important numbers and informing them that, _‘I would be leaving for a while to clear my head.’_ When I got to my love, it pained me to write such a harsh message to her, but I did what had to be done. I had already prepared for this and took to scrubbing the missed areas with a cleaning solution of bleach, ammonia, soap, hot water, and pine sol. The tarp held most of the mess, so I didn’t have to worry about much. Making sure to keep everything on the tarp, I cut his body into the smallest pieces possible and wrapped the tarp tight, ridding myself of my clothes before carrying everything to the barrel I had out back. I went back inside and did another cleaning and cracked a few windows to air it out, and so it would dry faster. While that was going on, I went upstairs and got cleaned up, taking out the colored lenses and wig and tossing that in the trash as well. Once I was cleaned and had fresh clothes and shaven face, I slipped on my glasses and grabbed the garbage, taking that out into the barrel as well. There was still time left, so I painted my entire basement, floors included, and left the windows opened so the paint would dry. I placed the jar of now cleaned teeth on the railing alongside the others and went out back to fire up the grill and barrel. Soon the smell of burning flesh and electronics was overpowered and long replaced by the scent of applewood and grilled meat. I had just enough time to run a final coat of paint in the basement before storing the cans and heading back outside to greet the first few early guests. It was my annual Halloween Bonfire night after all.


	7. Day 4- Day

The next day was uneventful; it consisted of me tossing the ashes and paint cans in the garbage that was collected this morning. The teeth went into storage with the rest of the Halloween decorations. I planned to take a visit to the mutt’s house to prepare the last phase and cover my tracks completely.

I let myself in and proceeded to take a suitcase full of clothes and essentials before leaving the note I had him write on the table before exiting the same way I came. Because we were the same size, it was easy for me to donate his clothes at a few Goodwill’s in the surrounding areas. Once all of my work was done, I again, took off the wig and colored contact lenses, sliding off the latex that bared the mutt’s fingerprints and disposed of them in the flower bed out back. Now, time to see how my love was doing.


	8. Day 4- Night

It broke my heart to see her cry herself to sleep, and it took everything in me to resist what **_they_** were telling me to do and just wait until she fell asleep to go comfort her. Tomorrow is when I will properly introduce myself. I know she will love me the moment we lock eyes, but if not, then; I may not like it, I may use... other methods. I stayed by her side until just before her alarm went off for her to start her day. Soon though, she’ll be waking up in my arms.


	9. Day 5- Day

I ran into her at the market today, of course, she thought it was by accident, but we all know that it wasn’t. The way she smiled and laughed as I made little jokes with her, sent my heart racing, and I had to calm myself down a bit. I say we hit it off fairly well, and I even got her to agree to come over to my place later tonight for dinner. I just hope she’s ready to face reality.

My nerves were getting the better of me as I prepared things for dinner, and **_they _**seemed even more restless than usual. That was the doorbell; my love has finally come home.


	10. Day 5- Night

Dinner went by smoothly, we talked, and she told me about how the mutt _‘broke it off with her.’ _I sympathized with her while **_they_** sneered at some of her comments. I kept her glass full of wine, and she readily took it.

** _See, she trusts you already._ **

As the night went on, she tried to leave, but I convinced her to stay because I really didn’t want her to leave my side now that she was here where she belonged. Everything was perfect, and she complimented me on the house as I took her to the spare bedroom. I would have taken her to ours, but I wanted that to be special, I wanted her to remember that, so I settled for putting her there and kissing her forehead as she instantly fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. I sat there for a while, running my fingers through her hair before kissing her head.

You’re mine now, and no one else’s.


	11. Day 6- Day

I made sure to wake up extra early to clean the house and start up a breakfast. When she woke up, she came out, rubbing her eyes, and I smiled. She wanted to head out, but after my insisting, she decided to stay for breakfast. It was then that **_they _**convinced me that she wasn’t entirely mine yet and that I needed to make her stay _that_ way. I don’t like doing it, but **_they_** told me that I had too.

I offered her milk and orange juice, and she happily took the latter, I need to remember that. She gulped it down greedily, and her widened eyes held betrayal and saddened my heart as I watched as she tried to form words as she fought sleep.

I’m sorry, love; I’m just doing what needs to be done.

She’ll forgive me. I just know it.


	12. Day 6- Night

She woke up a few hours later, kicking and screaming, but I had listened to **_them_** and properly restrained her, though she was more comfortable on the bed because I could never bring myself to harm her. I told her that, but it’s as if she doesn’t believe me, maybe it’s because she’s still a bit angry. I brought her dinner and fed it to her, it was a challenge at first, but eventually, she relaxed a bit and let me feed her.

After our dinner, I made sure she didn’t need to go to the bathroom and such, before I started to brush her hair, which seemed like my new favorite thing to do. She tried hard to fight sleep, but I continued brushing, and eventually, she gave up and drifted off peacefully. I sighed happily as I kissed her hair, then her forehead before pulling her closer to me and falling asleep as well.


	13. Day 7- Day

Now that I have her, I’m starting to regret my decision. I know she loves me, but now they are looking for her and that mutt she claimed to love. The story is all over the local paper, and I’ve heard her friends talking about where she could’ve disappeared to on the rare occasion that I left the house. They won’t find the body; I know that much, and they don’t know it’s me, but now we have to leave the house I spent forever making sure that it was perfect for her.

I can’t risk going to jail and losing her again, so I know that we have to pick up and start over somewhere new, maybe Florida or California; she’s said she wanted to live there. She loves me though, she’s not saying it yet, but I know that she loves me, that’s why she will be okay with my decision. I can see it in the way she looks at me whenever I come into the room. When I told her that we had to leave, she wasn’t thrilled. I think it’s because she doesn’t want to leave the house, I made for her, but she will get over it in time. She keeps fighting with me and saying that I should just let her go, and she wouldn’t tell anyone, but it’s just the nerves. It’s almost time to pack up to leave so I have to go now and make sure my love is ready, we head out tomorrow morning.


	14. Day 7- Night

Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, why!!! **_They_** told me that it wasn’t okay to let her free yet! I’m so stupid! I don’t know why I didn’t listen to **_them_**, and now she’s gone. I allowed my love to escape me yet again! She said that if I untied her that she would behave, and I blindly believed her.

How stupid can you be!

** _You don’t know how long you will have to wait until you find her again._ **

She slipped away yet again and left such as huge mess behind. How could she, and we love each other? No, stop it. You need to focus.

** _Don’t worry, she’ll come back, and when she does, I’ll be right here waiting for her as always._ **

Now... I have to... dispose of something.


	15. Day 8- Day

The hardest part about my day was having to leave the house I spent getting perfect for her. Coming up with an excuse for leaving town was easy.

I told what little friends I had that my mom had gotten sick, so I had to relocate, and I told my job that my brother had offered me a position at his company a few states away.

Both of these were lies, of course... I just needed them not to suspect anything as I packed my life up and moved across the country to the sunny and bright L.A.

I made the proper movements, changing my name and appearance, as well as starting to frequent the gym after what had previously happened. Now, if I were to run into her, she wouldn’t be able to resist me.

Finding a place was easy, but getting a job was a bit trickier. Fortunately for me, this city loves a pretty face, and snagging a bartending job was relatively simple if you knew where to look.

That’s also when my luck changed. For the better, of course.


	16. Day 8- Night

Life in California seemed meaningless as I went through day to day activities. Wake up, clean, work out, eat, work, sleep, repeat.

It was the same steps over and over, but without her in my life, **_they_** were always restless and harder to manage.

Days blended to weeks, weeks into months, and once the year mark passed, I was about to give it all up until I got my opportunity to do something more.

Something that **_they_** all approved of, and I was sure would bring her running into my arms again.

It was just a matter of time... I was sure.


	17. Day 9- Day

I never would have thought that acting would be this much work. It seemed easy enough in theory, but it was actually very tiring.

I also didn’t understand what most people said when they said that making it in L.A was hard, I wasn’t even looking for a job when the scout stopped me during the shift at the bar and asked me if I wanted a career in acting. The only reason I took it was because **_they_** told me it would be beneficial for me to find her if I were more noticeable.

I did everything for her, and even though I look different now, I’m sure she will have no problem finding me now that I was becoming famous.


	18. Day 9- Night

Everyone loves me. Everyone wants to be my friend now; they all want to get close to me before things start rolling so they can use me and say that they were there before the fame, but I know; **_they_** told me, so while annoying as it is, **_they_** have actually helped with the part that I was cast for so I can’t complain much. I just wish**_ they_** would just shut up and let me have some silence for just a moment. I understand that **_they_** are anxious because we have yet to find her, I’ll admit, it is getting to me as well; she was just here, but now she was gone again, and I didn’t even get to hold her properly before she left, but the constant nagging was only going to drive me up a wall.

I need to go and prepare myself now, I have more lines to learn now, and this role is a bit......dark.


	19. Day 10- Day

Everyone loved me. Everyone wanted to be around me. Everyone wanted to be with me... But she still wasn’t here!!

**_They_** kept urging me to be patient, but I just couldn’t help it. I had everything now, money, fame, looks. I just could see what was TAKING HER SO LONG.

I need to calm down, **_they_** tell me that things won’t end well if I don’t control myself like last time. I’m not sure what**_ they_** mean, I won’t be able to get any information from **_them_** either, **_they_** always tell me to just trust**_ them_**, and everything will be okay.

I’m anxious, and I’m not quite sure whether it’s due to work, or the fact that whenever I fully listen to **_them_**, I begin to lose time.

Days, weeks, even months sometimes go missing, and when I come to and ask, I’m told that everything is _fine_, it’s best I don’t know for _my_ protection.

My agent is calling, I’ll check in later.


	20. Day 10- Night

I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up.

God, I’m so fucking stupid! I saw her again today. I saw her, but she was too far away from me to reach.

Dammit! Why did she have to show up now! I love her dearly, but right now, there’s so much going on, too much, and I’m afraid she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Everything was going so great, but now that she’s here, I keep getting into fights with my agent. He didn’t understand. I kept trying to tell him, but he just _wouldn’t LISTEN_.

I got out of hand. I should have never listened to**_ them,_** now everything is probably messed up again. All because he wouldn’t _believe_ me.

All he had to do was LISTEN, and maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess. Perhaps**_ they _**wouldn’t have made me do it. It’s all his FAULT!


	21. Day 11- Day

Harry!!

I don’t know if you ever re-read your previous journals, but you need to _read_ this! You- we are not okay. Get help. Serious help!

_They_ are not your friends. _They_ aren’t even **_real_**. You need to snap out of it. Wake up. You didn’t use to be like this, we used to be normal. You used to listen to _me_ the real you.

Harry, you’re sick. Ever since **_that_** day, when**_ it_** first happened, you- we... I haven’t been the same. You’ve let _them_ take over for way too long, and now you don’t even remember who I am. You don’t let me out, you don’t trust **_me_**. Call someone Harry. Go see a doctor, tell them the truth. Stop fighting and SNAP OUT OF --


	22. Day 11- Night

I’ve lost time. I don’t know how much, but I’m confident that something happened earlier, and I wasn’t quite myself. There’s a page or so ripped out of my journal, and I can’t find it... I’m not so sure **_they_** want me to find it either,**_ they _**don’t even let me think about it too much before I’m distracted by something else. Everything started to become hazy as the days progressed, but one thing remained constant, someone was trying to tell me something, and **_they_** were doing everything in their power to ensure I never got the message.

Instead,**_ they _**started to push my attention to her. Though we weren’t as close as before, we were slowly getting closer. Soon things will be even better than they were previously. She was even more into me, I think it was because of the time we had apart that made her realize how much she missed me.

Work was getting way more complicated now, and now our time apart was increasing, and my anxiety over it became terrible to the point that it was affecting my work. They noticed, but no one really said anything about it. They just let me do my thing, which I’m starting to realize is not a good thing.

I’m starting to realize that it is never a good thing to leave me alone with **_them_**.


	23. Day 12- Day

There’s a man in my basement. I don’t know when he got there, but now, I have no idea what to do with him. I can’t let him go because then everything I worked hard to rebuild will be torn down again, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was okay to kill him, I couldn’t figure out a way to do so and not get caught. And so, he sat, tied up and gagged in my basement, with no form of identification on him, so I had no idea how important he was.

** _He had his hands on her._ **

_He wants to define her._

** _Use her._ **

_We were protecting her._

** _He needs to be taken care of._ **


	24. Day 12- Night

I didn’t write that, I’m not sure what’s going on anymore, what’s real anymore. How is this writing here, and why do **_they_** want me to do these things?

I’ve never been more confused in my life... I’ve never felt more out of control. Why, why, why. Is there something wrong with me? Have I lost my mind? The only reason I haven’t left yet is that there is always something holding me back, some small part of my brain that warms me against doing what I think is the right thing to do.

It physically hurts any time I make an attempt to go out looking for help, and sometimes I find myself standing at the basement door, just staring at the wood with my hand on the knob, but never going down.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I’m lost.

** _Don’t worry._ **

_Just trust us like you always have._

** _We will never lead you astray._ **


	25. Day 13- Day

He’s gone. I took care of him. I had to, needed to. He’s still down there, though, right alongside the woman that got into a fight with her this morning. This was getting out of hand, and that means a lot coming from me.

I needed her here with me now. She needed to be in a place where no one would harm her, no one would touch what is mine. Where I could watch her every day and take care of her like I used to--like I’ve done every time she’s come back to me.

The woman is screaming now. I knew just using tape wasn’t enough, I probably should have used something a bit more effective, but**_ they _**told me that it was going to be fine for now, I had to do work and couldn’t risk ruining my image over some low life scum.

Ever since the last movie, she has been getting closer to me, we even work on the same set for this project. I think I want to invite her over soon, but before I do that, **_they_** tell me that I have to get rid of _everything_\-- that I need to make things perfect, so once she comes, she will never want to leave.


	26. Day 13- Night

I can’t wait, I can’t wait, I can’t wait. Tonight is the night she’s coming over. I’ve been waiting for this for so long I can barely control myself. I had to make sure everything was perfect. The house had to be spotless, everything had to be in its place, I made sure to use the candles and room fresheners of her favorite scents and hope that she would notice and feel more at home.

I took extra care of myself today, making sure she would see me at my best, would love me at my best like she had at my worst. There’s nothing in the basement anymore either, **_they_** finally helped me get rid of everything, and now I didn’t have to worry, as long as I trusted **_them_**, I knew that nothing was going to be wrong.

If I had listened to **_them_** the last time, I wouldn’t be in this situation now, and we probably would have started our own family by now. Oh good, she’s here now... Wish me luck.

** _You don’t need luck, she isn’t going anywhere..._ **


	27. Day 14- Day

Harry. You’re slipping again... You’ve started back listening to _them_. We can’t do that, buddy; you’ve got to stop listening to _them_. _They’re_ just voices in your head. _They_ aren’t there to help you. These **voices** aren’t your friends, aren’t my friends.

Stop canceling the appointments I set for you. You need to go to them, you need to see a doctor. I can’t do it for you, I’m not in control long enough to be able to help you... To help myself.

Harry, I know you probably don’t see these messages, but please. Whatever you do, don’t hurt the girl, don’t take her too. I know she reminds you- me, so much of Bethany, but it’s not her. She’s dead, has been gone a long time now and she isn’t coming back.

I don’t know when the next time I’ll be in control again is, these periods have been becoming fewer as time passes, but please...follow my instructions. It will help you.


	28. Day 14- Night

My dreams have been a bit weird lately. I can’t explain them because they are gone the moment I’ve woken up, but I’m almost sure that something is wrong, I can _feel _it. It’s like those dreams that you know are good, but you can’t remember what it was about, it’s just a feeling you get after the fact. It’s gotten to the point where I’m fighting with myself. It’s been a constant struggle on whether I stay up and listen to**_ them_** or go to sleep and have to deal with the dread and uncertainty of dreams I can still feel the effects of but can never remember.

It’s late... I feel like I’m in danger. I don’t think I can stay here anymore. I need to leave this place... It’s not safe.


	29. Day 15- Day

It feels like there are more and more moments where I am not myself. It’s like I’m trapped inside some deep part of my mind, in complete and utter darkness, as I wait for**_ them_** to let me have control. My time is always fleeting, though, and I have started to find little notes, clues, and hints_ begging_ me to remember something, to do something. It is quickly forgotten, though, whether it is caused by **_them_** or the fact that I am no longer like myself that I can hardly remember my own name. Most times, when I come to, nothing is changed. Other times, I awake with blood on my hands or unfamiliar screams from a basement I’m too afraid to enter anymore.

** _Harry listen to me._ **

_Listen to us._

** _We’re only here to help you._ **

_Yes, Harry._

** _Only..._ **

_To..._

_ **H E L P.** _

Yes. I remember now...


	30. Day 15- Night

Someone escaped from the basement this afternoon. Now I have to completely seal it off. They almost got away from me, but I couldn’t let that happen. **_They_** wouldn’t let that happen. Their death made me sick, with what **_they_** made me do this time. **_They_** told me that it was the only way to make sure I wouldn’t get caught. That I needed to make sure I wasn’t caught. I’ve seen what _those people _did to those of us who were found out._** They**_ have told me all about it and warned me that no matter how nice they appeared to be, I shouldn’t trust them. Especially after what happened the last time with the pills. I can’t remember anything that happened during that long span of time, but every time I think of it, I feel dread. 


	31. Day 16- Day

You’re not- I’m not getting any better, Harry. I need to start listening to them and stop listening to these **voices**. _They’re_ _**lying**_ to me, Harry. _They_ aren’t good for you. _They _want to harm you, well I should probably say,_ they_ are hurting me. Take the medicine, Harry. There are not enough moments when I’m here to keep up with the dosing, and always thinking the world is out to get me isn’t helping the situation either.

Harry, there aren’t people in the basement. There **_is_** no basement. You’re not who you think you are. It’s a delusion. A very dangerous illusion that you need to snap out of before you get yourself killed.


	32. Day 16- Night

I keep waking up in a cold sweat, the feeling that someone is after me has only gotten worse. Those people. They’ve come for me again, but I can’t go back to that place. Not after what happened last time, they told me to go with them. Those people in white... or blue, always around and watching me. They’re waiting for me to mess up and expose myself. They want me to get messy, so they can take me away. That’s how they got the last guy that was here before me.

I’ve decided. I need to leave again. I need to go somewhere even further. I need to completely change, so they stand no chance of finding me ever again.


	33. Day 17- Day

They’re here for me. They found out, and now they’re here to take me away... I won’t let them, not this time. I’ll do them exactly like I did all the others. Or... I’ll just take as many as I can down with me! How did they find out?!? I did everything correctly, I did everything **_they_** asked. Unless... It was _him_! The man that kept leaving the notes!! **_They_** told me I should’ve hurried and gotten rid of him, and I should’ve listened. God, I’m stupid.

They will regret trying to take me. And after I get away, I’ll be sure to get him next. 


	34. The Final Night

_Name: Harry Mitchell_

_Date of Birth: March 23, 1994_

_Place of Birth: Jonesboro, Arkansas, USA_

_Reason for admittance: Schizophrenia leading to the murder of an innocent man and suicide of a woman._

_Update: I’ve finally gotten to a point where I’ve come back to reality. I’ve been slipping and not taking my medication and gave in to the delusions again. The outburst this morning was the worst, and a whole team of nurses had to come in to snap me out of it._

This journal is nearly completed, and as I look back on it, I realize just how unwell I am to believe all of these lies as I sit in my room with a mountain of books as my only company. I thought that I was getting better, that I didn’t need the medication, but with the number of nurses that had to come in to monitor me, I’m almost certain that I erred in my judgment.

My emotional state right now is... Normal. I’m emotionally drained from fighting with everyone and myself, but satisfied in the fact that this marks another year with no significant incidents or murderous attempts like the three years prior when I first got admitted.

This year has shown me that even though I know that Bethany is gone, the unwell part of my brain still yearns for her, and the past incident that I had is still haunting me, constantly repeating itself in my head with only scenery changing.

I’m currently out of space, so I’ll leave this journal with a final thank you, for helping me keep the delusions trapped in paper.


End file.
